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WHEN THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH

“Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome.”

“He who jumps into the void owes no explanation to those who stand and watch.”

Chaos is a reality that finds all of us. And it's a reality that most of us desperately try to avoid. At various points in each of our lives, the waters are calm, the wind is at our back, and things are clicking.

Amazing. Make hay while the sun shines.

But then, storm clouds gather on the horizon and we find ourselves in the shit. Waves are suddenly crashing over our head, the storm is here.

I've had two major periods of chaos in my life.

First, at 26 when I finally got my dream job as a lawyer and I had a panic attack within six weeks of starting. A $300K mistake, with no obvious way out.

And second, at 33 when my wife was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer.

The similarity between those two periods? I felt like I had no control over my circumstances and I didn't know when it would end.

In chaos, none of the old habits I'd use to feel in control seemed to work. In fact, when my wife was first diagnosed, I tried to keep my old schedule. I wanted to show chaos that I was stronger than it was. Gym, cold plunge, grinding at work, all of it. While I was trying to cope with my new reality, my wife thought I was indifferent to her pain, and the chaos almost capsized our marriage.

With the benefit of distance from both periods of chaos, I see them with a different lens.

The life I have created today, wouldn't have been possible if my former life hadn't been burned to the ground by chaos. In both cases, the old me had to die in order for the new me to live.

I couldn't have become an entrepreneur unless chaos pushed me to quit law.

I couldn't have the marriage I have today (which is the best it's ever been after 14 years) had cancer not pushed us to the brink of divorce.

Creation is bringing something new into existence from nothing, and chaos is the necessary stage to get us from an old "something" back to a baseline of nothing.

It hurts, it sucks, and it's almost never a process we undergo willingly--yet there we are.

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So, how the hell do we get out of it? The answer is simple but not easy.

Curiosity. Curiosity is looking at our life as it falls apart and having the courage to not fall into a victim story and instead ask, "what if this is happening for me, not to me?"

Curiosity is an openness to an alternative narrative about who you are and what your life is about. It's a willingness to let go of the old story about your life's trajectory and ask "what if?" a new path is opening. What if the opening of the new demands the closing of the old? What if it's not destruction, but a redirection?

Like I said, those aren't easy questions to ask. It requires a bravery that we don't always have. I get it.

So, let me know--if you are in the shit right now, respond to this email with as much or little as you'd like to share. I read every reply and I'd love to know how to best be of service. Too many silent and solo sufferers in the world. Let's change that.